Now that I’ve fully recovered from my recent bout with oral surgery, I thought I’d describe this latest dentist experience to you. When you’re a dentist veteran like I am, you know it’s never good when your dentist looks in your mouth and says ‘aaah…’ Because let’s be honest, true excitement in dentistry is rare:

A thought experiment
Dentist’s Wife (DW): “What did you do today, honey?”
Dentist (D): “You’ll never believe it but I got to treat a guy who loves flossing so much that he accidently flossed with string and got it stuck in his mouth! AND THEN, as if my day could get any more exciting, I fixed the most borderline filling EVER! In the hands of any ordinary dentist, it was a crown for sure, but darling, would you have married me if I were an ordinary dentist?

Not that I’m an anti-dentite or anything, but come on. DW had better be a really interesting person.

So anyhow, it’s never a good sign when your dentist’s face lights up as he examines your teeth. It usually means that your particular ailment is:

a. A challenge
b. Something he’s never seen before
c. Worth a lot of money
d. A and B
e. A and C
f. B and C
g. All of the above

In my case the correct answer was just A, fortunately. So my dentist looks in my mouth and says ‘aaaah…’ and I groan. His face lights up and he pulls this silver wand gadget out of NOWHERE and shoves it down my gullet and five seconds later there is a high-resolution photograph of my broken molar on a computer screen, which again materialized out of nowhere. He stares at the screen, and says ‘mhhhmmm…’ and then he points to me, looking very excited (ah crap), and he says, “this, this is interesting.”

So he goes on to explain, illustrating the story with the high-resolution photograph of my pearly white on the computer screen, that I managed to chip one of my molars near a preexisting cavity in such and such a way, the upshot of which is that the hole is almost too small to fill with a normal filling (something about surrounding tooth structure holding it in) but that he thinks, he’s confident that he can do it, he’s up to the challenge, he’s ready to go, he’s the best dentist in the world oh boy let’s do it let’s fill in this tooth damn the torpedos men and follow me into combat! And the fine print is that if it doesn’t hold, I’ll probably need a crown…

So he looks straight at me, eyes all lit up and sparkling, and he tells me this whole story, and he humors me by asking how I chipped it (Poppycock Apple Popcorn, by the way), and then, in the smallest of voices, with the most innocent puppy-dog look on his face, he asks me if I want him to potentially fix it right now, or…if I want to make an appointment later.

Truth be told, I could have stood for doing it later. To do a lower-side molar they have to knock out that nerve in the back of your mouth that really hurts, and it being early in the morning and all, I wasn’t quite sure I had the stomach for that kind of pain. But, partly because I didn’t want to see the disappointed look on my dentist’s face had I said no, partly because I felt bad for him and wanted to give him just this little bit of excitement in his life, and mostly because of the intrepid no-nonsense dental patient that I am, I let him fill it right then and there, on the spot, no questions asked.

So guess. Guess if it worked. Guess if this miracle worker, this patron saint of enamel, deacon of distal frontals, this man, this mere mortal, was able to save the day. Well guess what, it’s held so far. So you win, dentist. It was still the most scared I have ever been at a dentist’s appointment, though, and I have been to a lot of dentist’s appointments.

Tho I wenth thoo thuh denthithst today and tuwnth owth I bwoke a mowlar tho I had to geth ith fithed, and the numbed thuh whowle wighth thide of my mouth. It’th crathy-weird, man, becauth it’th thtill numb and my whole thongue and evewything, even a little bit of my nothe, whith I didn’th even know could geth numb, I thoughth ith was all cawtiwlidthe.

Anyhow, given thath I shusht had owaw thuwgewy and aww, I don’th think I can conthentwate on witing thuh newmaw conthenth oove mai bloog oontiw eeth geth leth noomb. I’ww keepth you updathed own my pwogwess tho.