Hey. It’s been a few days. I know you’ve missed me, but don’t worry, I’m still here, doing what I do. I haven’t posted in a few days, that much is true, but it’s not because of negligence or anything, I just haven’t been inspired lately. Sometimes the world is far too real to be creatively engaging. So it’s really it’s fault, not mine. But I want to get to the larger issue here. The thing is, I haven’t left you, but I want to let you know that when I do, you’ll know. For certain. Here’s why.

I don’t mean to be arrogant about it, but let’s collect all the facts here. There’s no one else steering the ship. There’s no blog God watching over this thing, nudging us in the right direction with a gust of wind here, a storm there, an impassable straight right smack dab in the middle of our path to the new world. Nope, I’m the guy at the helm. And the guy putting up the sails, and also the guy up in the crow’s nest looking for land (about that impassable straight…brb)

Anyhow, here’s my point: my point is, if I go down, I’m taking the thing with me. I’m shooting a canon off in the belowdecks when I leave. Water is going to fill the hull up pretty darn fast. You’re going to want to have a life vest ready to go. Does that seem selfish? Maybe. But then again, there is no competent and studly first mate ready to take over this boat. That’s the thing about blogging, kids, it’s a lot harder to set up a stable system of ranks and pay-grades than it is in the navy. That’s why most of us don’t bother to have a second on hand just in case the duel I tricked that nasty old pirate into fighting in doesn’t go well.

But here’s the other thing: I don’t want you to worry about it, ’cause I’m not going anywhere soon. I’m in this baby for the long haul, and I hope you are too. We’re going to sail across the world once or twice before anything changes. Why? For Queen and Country. Because we’re dedicated to the seas and our mission. Because we’ve got business with a few privateers. Do I have a guarantee? No, you’ll just have to trust me, like you’d trust any captain. But I haven’t steered us wrong since this voyage started, and you’re still here, so take that how you will.

Yes, she’s well-built and fast, our beauty, with three canon decks on each side, and we’ve only just left port.

:: Raises hand in air, waves it about. ::

Hey, look at me! Good. Now look away. Damnit I said look away! If you’re reading this, you’re obviously looking. … Is your head turned? Hell, this is too easy. You’re cheating like a five year-old playing chutes and ladders, it’s really quite immature. For this to work, you’re going to have to trust me. And that means looking away from the screen for just a second. And honestly, why shouldn’t you? It’s not like someone’s standing by the door waiting for you to look up before they shoot. And if someone is, well, how could I have known? So anyhow, please look away. I’ll give you a line break to do it, okay?

Good. Now look back. What I’m about to say will change — Wait. Turn off your god damn music, it probably sucks. And the TV. And quit out of your IM program. Close fbook. I want your full and undivided attention, because — your life!

I’m not joking. This blog is going to be a lot of fun, and together we’re going to learn a lot about the world, about ourselves, about the people around us. It’s also going to be weird and, at times, even uncomfortable, but I’m asking you to trust me and keep reading. Why? That’s a really complicated question. You won’t believe me, but I’m telling you now that I’m not doing it for the money. That said, I’m more or less broke, so I’d appreciate it if you would click on my links.

I’m also not doing it for the fame and glory, although because you asked, yes, I may be interested in link exchanges and/or guest posting, since this one blog I read said that good linking can lead to fame and glory. If you think it’s disingenuous to use cliché statements about what I’m not doing this for to promote those very things, well, you might be right. But again, I’m asking you to trust me.

Truth is, I’m in this to build a community – a community unlike any you’ve ever been a part of before; a community of intelligent people having fun, intelligently. We’re going to build this place from the ground up with bizarre, surreal and absurd humor, in-jokes and intelligent discussions. Most people aren’t going to “get it.” Some people will understand what we’re doing, but won’t fit in. Others simply won’t have the time. But a few months, or maybe years down the road, when this place is rocking, it’s going to be the finest community of its kind, and quite possibly the very pulse of our culture. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort, but if you trust me, and you hang in there, and if you’re not afraid to immerse yourself in the bizarre, the absurd, the surreal and the wildly, refreshingly unique, well, you’re going to have a great time.

And one more thing: I have a couple of ideas for how to get this thing kick started, but this place is yours as much as mine. If you have any comments or ideas about this, leave a comment or e-mail me at blog@imaginaryblogworldblog.com.

How to say the name: I realize that “The Imaginary Blog World Blog” is a mouthful, but hey, it completely fits the spirit of the site, so why not. But a quick note about pronunciation: I think most people will have a tendency to emphasize the two ‘Blogs’ in the name, rather than the ‘World’. In fact, I find this pronunciation more or less redundant given that there are two ‘Blogs’ in the name; they don’t need any additional emphasis. Therefore, when you do find yourself saying the full name, try to put the emphasis on the word ‘World’. It better communicates the fact that this is a community and effectively preserves the humor in having Blog appear twice in the name by not killing it with extreme overemphasis. Remember: if it bends, it’s funny, but if it breaks…get your mind out of the gutter, this is Woody Allen! (Does that even make sense?)